I think respect is probably one of the most over used terms especially amongst the teaching and coaching industry. Sometimes I truly wonder what this means anymore.
I grew up in a time where it was impolite to talk back to someone who was clearly older, wiser and whom you were meant to be learning from. It was impolite to talk behind someone’s back if you did not have the balls to face up and tell them face to face what you were prepared to say when you were not in front of them. And it was definitely impolite to make someone else feel uncomfortable or less of a person in your presence.
My parents are not rich in money but they are rich in culture. They taught me to stand up for what I believed in, and there is no value in saying things in anger, as you are dumber in haste. They taught me that to be treated well is a right, but you have to earn the privilege of holding someone’s respect. What this taught me was that for everything I gained in life, I knew that I worked for it. I know that when I look at the walls of my business, I know what it took to build those walls. When I look at my children, every word, every behaviour they emit is a direct reflection of Miche (my Wife) and I. I know I am not perfect, but understanding this just makes me work harder on myself to build a stronger culture for my children.
I also grew up in an era, where it was perfectly ok to tell someone you were being disrespectful and if they did not listen, then there were consequences. You feared the consequences if you were being disrespectful. Maybe, I am old. Maybe I am even old fashioned but just maybe the reason that my generation is what it is, is because you knew that if you did not respect your elders, or just the people in the same room as you, then you would be taken to task. Fear of some sort is a valuable motivator. Whether it is fear of failure, or of discipline had its place.
It disappoints me to see people blatantly disrespecting each other, especially the people who are handpicked from our population to build our culture. The rise of the marked disrespect and obvious disdain for others with different beliefs gets worse each month. In saying this, Social media is the best and worst thing to happen to our world in the past 50 years in some ways. It can have such positive effects but the negative effects can be devastating.
This is why I built my business around EVERY SINGLE PERSON feeling like they can come to our facility and be judged on the work you put forward. NOT judged on your gender, your beliefs, your ethnic origin or anything else that has nothing to do with anyone else. Respect is about treating people like you want to be treated. Respect is about being non-judgemental, about fostering self-confidence in yourself, and everyone around you by looking for the good in people and telling them this. It is NOT about finding things to mock people about, about finding points of difference to exploit to make someone feel less than they felt before talking to you. Respect is about building a community, not dividing it.
My challenge to everyone is to find the positive, find the good and to tell people about this, to build them up. To call people to account when they show a lack of respect, of positive attitude and when you see or hear judgement being delivered where that person or group has no right to deliver judgement. Be the bigger person and stand up for what most are too afraid too. And if I call you to account, just know that what I am thinking of is the impact on the person or people you are disrespecting. I am not concerned with you, or your behaviour but the impact it will likely have on others who have the RIGHT to be treated well. YOU have the RESPONSIBILITY to EARN respect from everyone around you.
Respect is earned, not given. It is not something that is a right. It is a privilege. In the words of a mentor of mine, “hard work is only hard if you are lazy.”
Yours in Coaching and in Life
Glenn Hansen
Director
Vector Health